Lillian
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That is amazing.
This is my first paragraph.
Can I have some feedback?Gravel crunches behind me like trodden on snow and I whirl around, ready to face the stranger. There stood a paper-thin lady all dressed in black with midnight hair and soot-like boots. Her piercing blue eyes were shooting razer sharp looks and I quivered under her gaze. A tone came from her thin lips that was frosty and dangerous.
“Move aside woman! I need to get past you and I will do whatever it takes to do so!” I shuddered. Whatever it was, I didn’t wait to find out. I slid away from the road and she slithered away. I shook my head, eyes clenched close but when I opened them once more no one was there. The scene was bare. A creaking sounded behind me and I saw the closed sign swaying gently. This moment was not gentle. I heard rough but whispered voices coming from inside and instantly knew something was wrong. I was part of the bank staff and knew that I had been the last to leave and had locked everything, setting up the alarms and security cameras. How did these people get in? I crept over to the nearest window and peeped through. There stood 3 women, all looked like criminals with their black clothing, sharp eyes and hushed tones. I recognised all 3. The one on the right was the rude lady from outside but the other 2 I could not place their faces in my memory. I heard snippets of conversation:
“…caught…ruined”
“…police…on to us…important” A snake crept up my spine. Police? Anything involving police would be illegal. 1 lady kept nervously eyeing each corner in the shadows. Just then her head shot up and she quickly glared at the window I was at. Equally as fast I bobbed down, heaving with fear, panic and anger. I needed to make a run for it but my car was 50 metres away. A cry came from the direction of the bank and I fled. Darting in and out of the shadows cast by the rising moon I sprinted with a wretched feeling doing back flips in my stomach. The words I had just come apon played like a movie in my mind over and over again. I was a few paces away from my escape vehicle when a revolting movement was made. A hundred gunshots blasted and at that moment I realised I was in their aim of fire. They were trying to shoot me. I suppose when they did they would kill me. Why wouldn’t they? All of a sudden I longed to be home, wishing none of this mess involved me. I was trained for a moment of illegal and against-the-law action. That is when it happened. An agonising burst of pain powering through my body, blooming from my left calf. Bullets shot past me a million miles an hour but one had stopped short in my body. Blood sprouted excited shouting grew silent. Darkness folded in around me and I fell limp, drifting into dreamland…Thanks
I don’t know how to change mine
Hiiii
